Sucker Punned

1. The roundest knight at King A rthur's round table was -- -- Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island -- -- but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whisky maker -- -- but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class -- -- because it was a weapon of math disruption. ;



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder -- -- and got a little behind in his work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, -- -- it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road -- -- and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France -- -- would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race -- -- they ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow -- -- fruit flies like a banana.



11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall -- -- the police are looking into it.



12. Atheism --- is a non-prophet organisation.



13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway -- -- One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'



14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger -- -- then, it hit me



15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said -- -- ‘Keep off the Grass.'



16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital -- -- his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'



17. A chicken crossing the road -- -- is poultry in motion.



18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison -- -- was a small medium at large.



19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray -- -- is now a seasoned veteran.



20. A backward poet -- -- writes inverse.



21. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. -- -- in feudalism, it's your count that votes..



22. When cannibals ate a missionary -- -- they got a taste of religion..



23. Don't join dangerous cults -- -- practice safe sects!